Sometimes it takes going back to move forward. What I mean is, by forcing yourself to remember why you started something to begin with, can be precisely what you need to decide how to execute your next moves.
I have wanted to be a part of music since for as long as I can remember. There was never a question about what I wanted to do with my adult life and as a kid I remember wishing the years would fly by so I could finally live life by my rules. This is not to imply there was anything wrong in my childhood that I was trying to flee from. There wasn’t. Simply that I was a kid who dreamt about the day I could call the shots. This was both good and bad. The bad part was that I sort of rushed through my childhood. The good part was that I had a firm head on where I wanted to go.
I have been making and creating music for over half my life. I have been actively pursuing several avenues, looking for where I could fit, creating networks and contacts, attending parties and events and pushing my music to anyone that would listen. I relocated from Washington where my heart remains to the sunny city of LA. I jumped into the deep sea of entertainment like a shark and swam my way to many different places. Most of all, I learned about the entertainment business that I had wanted to be a part of my whole life.
I would never say that I have regrets about pursuing music. After all, how many people are actually fortunate enough to know exactly what they were made to do? I will say however that a giant part of me was not made for this business. Talent is not enough. Thick skin is not enough. Truth is, I don’t want to be a part of the business anymore. I am not sure that I ever really did. I just wanted to be a part of my childhood dream. That dream was music.
I am no longer a child. I now stare in the eyes of a child of my own. I come home to a family that loves me not because of the music I make but because of the person I am. I have spent so many years trying to pursue something I didn’t want deep down because after so many years grinding, what else do you do? What I know at this point is that the business I have worked so hard to be a part of is the same business that does not want me to be who I am. The very dream I used to carry has vaporized into the air and the reality has started to sink in. My eyes are open and focused now. The machine, tough skin hustler has diminished and the vulnerable has replaced it. It’s clear. It’s time to move on.
This isn’t to say that BK is gone forever or that music will not continue. It’s simply to say that I am no longer putting aside my life to pursue a dream. Without guilt or remorse I am moving forward. Music will always be a part of my life. It will not be my life however as I have made it for many many years. I will not miss birthdays and family visits for shows and rehearsals. I will no longer spend all my money on studio equipment, production, music videos and events. I will not be missing out on camping trips, hikes and get togethers. It’s time for change. There comes a point in your life where you need to be extremely honest with yourself and evaluate the goals you have set to ensure they are still goals you want to reach. After stopping to evaluate my life, I realized very quickly and most certainly that my goals had changed almost completely.
So here it is.
I will no longer be pursuing music professionally. I will make music on my time, on my terms and with whom I desire when I desire. I will create when I feel inspired and not on a timeline. I am no longer going to put pressure on myself to update social sites and tweet about every place I am at. I am no longer going to be playing shows unless it’s special to me. I am no longer just BK. I am Brooke BK Archilla. I am a parent, a partner, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, an aunt and many other things. I am a songwriter, emcee and singer that loves to make good music. I refuse to choose one of these things and I no longer care that it costs me a record deal I never even wanted. I love that my hair isn’t pink. I love that I don’t show my ass around and strut in high heels. I love who I am and no business is going to convince me I shouldn’t. My main goal in coming to Los Angeles was to learn about this business. I have done that. I have discovered the mirrored walls, the sleight of hands and the foolery that runs the ship. I have had the fortune of working with people I thought I admired until I realized how ugly they were inside. I was fortunate to take leaps of faith that resulted in pain. I say fortunate because every experience was a lesson and each lesson has made me everything I am today. There are people in my life that deserve my time. They deserve my attention and they deserve the best of me that I have to offer. Music is no longer my priority. My family is.
I am not bitter, I am not angry and I am not sad. Life has a new road for me to go down and I am going to take it. Can you believe that I have never had a vacation in my life? Not one. I have never felt my toes in the warm sand on a beach in Hawaii. I have never sipped a fruity cocktail on an island, traveled abroad, taken a cruise or even ventured on a camping trip for longer than 3 days. Why you ask? It certainly wasn’t money. Although never wealthy, I have worked very hard my whole life and I manage ok. The answer is that I told myself if I really wanted to give this music profession a real shot, I had to sacrifice what I knew others would not. If this meant vacation, family time, living in a place I love, eating sandwiches or not at all, investing all I had in my art, I was willing to do it and I did. That ends now.
I know that some of you will think I am insane and some may think this is a mistake. I understand that some fans will be disappointed and others will be confused. If you know me through music or through other means, then you already know I am real with what I say and I have thought this through many times. I am not pulling a Jay-Z or trying to get people to beg me to stay in the game. This isn’t for attention and this isn’t about PR. This is about me. This is about life. My life.
I want to thank everyone that has helped me in my life journey so far. Those that stood by my side and supported me, I thank you from my heart. Please understand that I needed to go back to move forward. I needed to remember why I started this to begin with. It was because I loved music. One of the biggest lessons I learned along the way is that I don’t need validation from anyone in regards to my music. I just need to create it. On my terms. The best way for me to do this is to let go of the business and embrace the creative. I don’t know what my next adventure will be but I know that it will be with the ones I love in my life. It will be spent with life in mind, not music. It will be with a smile on my face because I know I remained true to myself.
Last, I will be wrapping up a couple unfinished projects and releasing them digitally for free. There is some really good material so I hope that people take the time to listen. I will also be spending time on a release with Definite, a producer that understands me, and that too, will be released. When the mood hits me, I will put out a 1 Minute Spit and when the vibe is fresh, I will be creating. My website will remain open and I will be social when I feel like it’s right. From here on out things are BK’s way. 😉
Keep it moving people. Next chapter.